Why some children are too shy

Children can sometimes feel shy when they are with other children. However, by nature, children are friendly and like to play with other children, even those that they have just met. 

Though shyness in children is just normal, it is still best to assess the extent of the shyness that a child experienced to know if there is a need to bring him/her to a professional for treatment. Remember that chronic shyness in children may affect their behavior, personal growth and development.

But why are children suffer chronic shyness in the first place?

In some children, shyness can be due to inner problems that they find hard to express. Most often, these inner problems are manifested through an unusual behavior, like feeling uncomfortable when attending social events, or feeling angry all the time. When having a conversation, they usually avoid eye-to-eye contact and don’t even bother to smile. These kind of children don’t easily give their trust to just anybody. You have to work hard to earn their trust. 

Most shy children usually have low self-esteem and they don’t believe in their talents and capabilities. They would think that other children and adults will never like them that is why they don’t want to mingle and socialize.

Before reaching two years old, children are spontaneous and like to socialize. 

But when they are between two and four years old, some children experience a phase of what researchers call “stranger anxiety.” They become afraid of people they don’t know. This is called social retreating.

But parents should not fret upon knowing that their children are suffering from chronic shyness because this can still be remedied. Albeit not an overnight job, parents play a great role in reversing the shyness that their children feel. All they need to have is patience -- lots of patience actually.

The most important thing that parents should do is to show their love to their children. And one way to show it is through a sincere hug. Every day, give your shy child a tight hug. This is to help the child feel at ease and to assure him/her that everything is alright.

Avoid putting your shy child on the spot. There are children who are born performers but don’t usually like to perform without being informed beforehand. 

If your child is one of these, always ask him/her if he is comfortable say, playing the piano in front of other people. If he/she doesn’t agree, never force him/her, lest you make his/her condition worse.

Don’t ever become a “mouthy” mother or father. Don’t speak for your child. Let your child talk about his/her feelings and views. This way, you are helping your child speak out what is in his/her mind.

Letting your shy child come out of his/her “shell” is not an easy job to do. It takes days, and months, or even years, to reverse him/her from being a shy, fearful child to a bubbly one. The important point is, never “pull” your child out of his/her condition prematurely.

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